im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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