i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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