why didn't you poke me back
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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