I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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