i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Houston, we have a squirter
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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