That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize