you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Couch. On fire.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize