i would punch a child for taco bell
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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