Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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