Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize