I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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