My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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