I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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