Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bring me that man meat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize