How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize