I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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