It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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