Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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