I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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