I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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