My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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