??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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