I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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