this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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