Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize