your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize