I wish I could punch you in the face.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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