The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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