I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize