I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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