"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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