my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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