Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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