You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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