You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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