He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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