dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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