That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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