You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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