She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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