When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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