i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize