I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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