Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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