I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize