i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize