oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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