I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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