I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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