I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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